HOW DO I FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO HAS HURT ME?
By: Pastor Jack Guyler
This is a great question. There maybe several paths to forgiving someone who has hurt you based on the situation and your own personality and background. While Jesus commands us to forgive…to do without limits…and quickly, He is not saying it will be easy nor fast.
Jesus says this in Mark 11:25 - And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
What He is saying here is that when we recognize that we have been hurt or holding something against someone, we are to make the decision to forgive. The process of actually forgiving the person fully and healing from the wound may take time, but it begins with a decision. You declare your intention to forgive the person because God has gifted you forgiveness and you are going to work toward doing the same toward another human being.
Jesus also said this in Luke 17:3-4 - If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them
The real point of forgiveness is healing a relationship. Confrontation may be necessary, but not always with the person who has hurt or offended you. The situation and wisdom will guide this. But keep in mind, Jesus is not saying here that you don’t have to forgive the person if they do not repent. This would go against everything else He taught on forgiveness. He is saying when you confront a person and they apologize and say they will change their behavior, you are to forgive them – that you are no longer looking to pay them back.
Forgiveness begins with a decision to forgive because God has forgiven you. But recognize it is a process and will take some time before the toxins of anger and payback diminish and you feel healed and ready to let go of it. You may still remember the hurt, but it will not control you and you will not ruminate about it
It is normal and natural to not forgive, hold a grudge and become bitter. It is supernatural to forgive. Forgiveness does not happen in the horizontal plane without it first happening in the vertical plane. In other words, until we know in our hearts and minds that God has forgiven us, it will not make sense to forgive people who have hurt us or slighted us. People apart from God do not have the capacity to forgive. It is a gift from God to forgive (Romans 5:5).
Sometimes confrontation (stating to someone how they have hurt you) is necessary for you to get the toxins out and find healing. Sometimes confrontation makes the situation worse and will lead to alienation rather than healing and reconciliation. This is why prayer leading to wisdom is essential
Often to really forgive big offenses or a lot of smaller ones you have allowed to pile up, you need outside help or intervention from human helpers – friends, mentors, support group or professional counseling/therapy
