FORGIVENESS WHEN ABUSE IS INVOLVED

By: Pastor Jack Guyler

The essence of Jesus’ teachings on forgiveness would indicate that whenever possible, the outcome would be reconciliation and restoration of relationships. This helps bring healing to the persons involved as well as promotes harmony and wellbeing in the greater community. But this may not always be possible. There will be circumstances that will prevent such reconciliation. And there are times, using wisdom, and some would suggest, common sense, not to pursue reconciliation. Most often, abuse cases would be at the top of this list to not pursue reconciliation.

Does Jesus say anything about such cases as abuse?

While He doesn’t speak directly about forgiveness in the context of abuse, I think we can infer this much – He would want forgiveness from those whom very valuable things were taken. He would want the spirit of what He said in Mark 11:25 to live on because it will cleanse the heart of the person who was deeply hurt. At the same time, I think He would want us to use wisdom.

I think Rachael Denhollander, a world class gymnast who was sexually assaulted multiple times by Dr. Larry Nassar beginning at age 15, serves as a good model for following Jesus in our modern day in the case of abuse. She would help over 200 other young women come forward and give testimony in court about his abuse of them and what he took from them. In 2018, Rachael saw her hard work pay off as Nassar was sentenced to prison for the rest of his life. As a Christian, in her final statement to him in the court room, she told him she had forgiven him, but ultimately, he needed God’s forgiveness. She will never see him again. And he will never hurt another young girl again.

What do we make of this? Forgiveness, especially in these situations, combines letting go of the urge for revenge and forgiving, but also working for justice. The cross of Christ combines both the love of God and the supreme justice of God. She worked tirelessly to make sure he would never be allowed to harm another girl. She would follow what Jesus taught in Mark 11:25 but there would be no reconciliation between the two. For obvious reasons, she would never want to nor ever be in his presence again. It would be unsafe and unreasonable. At the same time, Nassar will have time in prison to reflect on what he had done and perhaps come to repentance before God, which is the heart of God – not wanting anyone to perish but come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9).

Abuse is a unique circumstance, because as Rachael says, “The devastating impact of abuse, in large part, is due to the fact that abuse upends the concepts necessary to function as a relational person.” [1] In most abuse cases, the victim should have no contact with the perpetrator. The victim should work to forgive, as Rachael did, but reconciliation should not be pursued. As Rachael has pointed out, because there is such an imbalance in power and control, especially in sexual abuse, it would be unwise for the victim to pursue reconciliation. They need to forgive and get the help they need to restore health to their soul and allow God to work with the perpetrator in hopes they come to repentance.

1 – “Justice: The Foundation of a Christian Approach to Abuse”, Rachael & Jacob Denhollander