Guys, we are going to talk about one of – if not your most favorite subject – SEX! Now that I have your attention, here are five things you need to know, understand and comprehend if you want life with your spouse to be good and filled with good sex.
First, get this – women are different than you! Men are different than women! And their differences are more than just different physical body parts. Not is only their anatomy different, but so are their hormones, heart and how their brains are wired!
The second thing to get is, you aren’t any sex expert (no matter how many women you have been with) until you know and apply certain truths about women.
Here are four truths about women that you need to know and put into action as documented by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn in their book, For Men Only. She has a lower sex drive than you. This makes sense. She has less testosterone than you do for one thing. Her hormones are different and not geared for sex as much as you – at least not most women – though there are exceptions for every rule. But this doesn’t mean she doesn’t like sex or want sex. But what it does mean is that she isn’t on high overdrive for it at any given minute of the day like you are. Men are like microwaves in this sense; while women are like a slower oven that needs time to heat up.
Research shows that while men tend to be more initiators, women tend to be more receptive.
Here is how Theresa Crenshaw explains it in her book, The Alchemy of Love and Lust: The biochemical urge we call the sex drive comes in two basic styles: aggressive and receptive. The aggressive sex drive is controlled not just by testosterone, as most people think, but by vasopressin, DHEA, serotonin, dopamine, and LHRH as well. The receptive sex drive... has been overlooked altogether... Receptive doesn’t necessarily mean passive but available, and perhaps willing, but without the initiative to pursue sex.
In simple terms, while most women aren’t wired to aggressively need and pursue sex, when given the right circumstances, they can want it and enjoy it every bit as much as you do!
Many women according to surveys say that while they don’t pursue it or press for sex, when they are having it with their husbands, they love it! Guys, there is hope for you. But as they say, “knowledge is power” and when you begin to understand this first truth, the next four coupled with this, will open your eyes and give your sex life much more hope!
She needs more warm - up time than you. Most men’s sexual motor is always turned on. Not true for women. But the good news for you is that when her motor is turned on, it can be as strong and satisfying as yours.
Many wives wish their husbands understood this better so that their husbands wouldn’t feel so rejected and wouldn’t just become discouraged and withdrawn. One woman put it this way: “I truly and deeply love him, but my body just doesn’t have the same sexual drive as his until we are engaged in the act. Then I’m very into it.” Your body does not by itself turn on her body.
This one you might want to sit down for! And while you are down there, you might need to pick up your ego. We know, you think all of those hours in the gym working out, dying your hair and staying in shape just makes you and body irresistible to her – that she just won’t be able to keep her hands off of you. Guys, that isn’t the way it works. That isn’t to say she doesn’t like your six - pack abs or that you should just sit on the sofa and turn fat and ugly. But here is the real truth that you need to get a hold of – you’re in shape body or muscles alone doesn’t just turn her on.
The reason you think that is because that is how you are wired. It only takes you one quick glance at an attractive and fit woman to fire up your sexual motor. You can be filled with lust for her shapely body in a moment. You can be all hot for her and not know anything about her – not even her name. Most movies show romance and sex scenes from the male perspective only. I mean who do you think is writing most of the scripts? Because we are all self - centered, we assume everybody is like us. But here is the real news – your wife isn’t wired like you. She doesn’t see the world from your perspective. And she doesn’t see you like you see her.
You both can be standing naked in the bed room and while your thoughts are clearly all about her and having sex with her; she can be thinking of something entirely different. She may not be thinking about you or your body at all. This is almost impossible for you to comprehend – but believe it, because it is true! Again, knowledge is power. But here is some encouragement for you – this doesn’t mean that she doesn’t find you attractive. She doesn’t mean that she doesn’t appreciate you being in shape and staying fit for her. And most women in surveys tell us that once they are involved in sex, they find their man’s body delightful. But just seeing you doesn’t initiate the sexual fires for them.
Here is one more bit of good news – because this is the case, you don’t have to look like a movie star or professional athlete to have a great sex life with your wife!